Like a warm blanket you know so well,
A warm embrace that is secretly hateful,
Full of venomous regret and poisoning your perspective of you,
Resentment and Injustice, ringing in your ears.
Repetition, relentless repetition of “what if”
Memories of unwanted touch burning your skin.
Physical feelings from abuse long past.
Body tremors, shudders and it begins.
Breathlessness.
Suspicion.
Rapid and whirling thoughts,
Waves of emotion smashing against you,
No way out.
Breathing becomes laboured yet still shallow.
Falling, falling faster and faster.
No landing in sight.
You cant grasp a thing. No life preserver or safety net.
Still falling
But it was just going to see someone you know.
The “what ifs” have control.
Self loathing settles in like an old friend,
They won’t let you go.
Holding you firmer than the hands of the past.
Holding inside you. Every organ gripped by fear.
The answer….. isolation.
I’m safe with me. I can trust me. Or can I?
Or does the fear isolate.
Text by Xave.
