Bringing Advocates, Activists, professionals and Childhood sexual abuse survivors together
Focused Light is the result of a healing response. One of the most important aspects of creating Focused Light was to help break isolation and shine a light on the subject of childhood sexual abuse. Initially, this project was all about helping male survivors, particularly those affiliated with MoMENtum Devon. As time moved forward, the idea grew and changes were made, one of which was to break down any barriers between survivors. By breaking down barriers, whether perceived by individuals or groups, we can help broaden healing opportunities for all.
During my own healing process, I have drawn from many different writings, podcasts, talks and events, all mixed with a variety of survivors from various walks of life. Why limit the healing or educational opportunities? Let’s open it up—learn, relate, talk, and move forward. Focused Light’s launch event was held at Exeter Phoenix on April the 24th. This was an event to raise the profile of Focused Light but also to bring people together. This was also an event for professionals, advocates, activists and survivors to learn, share, come together and experience the healing power of communications through creativity. I invited services that helped during my initial step into recovery, such as, Josie Knight from Surviving Abuse Northern Devon, Sophie Olson from The Flying Child, an inspirational activist and survivor. During the early days of recovery she helped me find the language through podcasts and later her book. John Slater from MoMENtum also gave a talk. MoMENtum are and continue to offer vital support for male survivors of childhood sexual abuse. Rees Mann from SAMSOSA was also present, along with Focused Light director Ezra Rickman. The day finished with Richard Green reciting and talking about how poetry helps with recovery. Links to websites are at the bottom of the page.
During the initial concept stage, I was driven to use my own creative skills in photography to share with other survivors. Photography has a rich history with many different processes that we can engage in and be present with. I visualised a darkroom, captivating an audience with its alchemy. However, I have had to adapt and be more creative in my approach. I think the essence is still there, but things had to be simplified.
I also realised the importance of other survivors’ creative processes and how they used their own artistic practices to aid their journeys. Why not embrace this and offer opportunities to widen the appeal? Not everyone is as engaged in photography as I am, which is odd. Let’s give agency to illustrators, painters, printers, creative writers, poets, sketchers, and so on. Let’s learn from each other and inquire into as many healing methods or opportunities as possible. I think this is what Focused Light is about: bringing survivors together to form a community of positivity. We now hold fortnightly creative events run by survivors for survivors. If you would like to take part and attend please get in touch: CONTACT
During my own journey of recovery, I was hit by an unknown, violent and invisible force that left me unable to comprehend existence. I had no idea about the world I had just entered. I was left bereft of understanding. I was damaged and needed to mend and heal, although I was unaware of this. I had no trust in anyone, anything, or any process. I looked at everything and everyone with great suspicion. I thought everyone was out to harm me. The whole process was a learning experience. I had to learn and understand that I had been sexually abused, groomed, and been the victim of attempted rape. I had buried all of this so deeply that I had become unaware of it, or shrugged it off and blamed myself.
The effects of this crime were, however, very present and evident. I was full of shame; I felt monstrous and rotten. I struggled to get out of bed, work, communicate, be happy, socialise, or trust. As the years and decades rolled by, I became more and more wretched. It was personally awful, a deeply unhappy existence. It affected those close to me. I was silent. The perpetrators had done their job well. I was still that scared child who feared the abusers would return; moreover, the abusers appeared everywhere, my trust had been depleted to zero. I was fearful in every situation. It was no way to live. When the change and healing opportunity finally came, it was unexpected and sudden. I was not prepared for what came next.
How did I move forward? What was the catalyst?
The beginning came from a brave survivor on the Channel 4 TV series Who Dares Wins. Contestant Jamie Cartwright had been sat down for a pep talk on his performance; he was asked why he was holding back. The team could see he had more to offer. Jamie broke down and opened up about his experiences of child sexual abuse and how it had blighted his life—how he had been fearful to stand up or be seen.
This had an instantaneous effect on me, sat at home with my wife. I realised Jamie was describing my symptoms. I too suffered in the same way. I too had been sexually violated. It was the moment Pandora’s Box was opened, the moment the journey to understanding began.
Thank you to Jamie Cartwright and the generosity of all the contributors.
Cheers – Survivor and Founder of Focused Light
Contributors to the Focused Light Event:
Jamie Cartwright – For his inspiration and launch day quote
Josie Knight – Surviving Abuse North Devon
Sophie Olson – The Flying Child
Rees Mann – SAMSOSA
Ezra Rickman – Artist and Focused Light director
Richard Green – Poet and Writer
Ethan – JIMM
